January 09, 2011

Alif Asyraf a.k.a. Baby cakap aku tak pernah marah,so

these are just quotes that randomly and quite frequently come by every once in a while from my mind.never had the chance to say them outloud,or explaining it to anyone.
and umm,something happened.i saw something.and it was not, good for me to know or look at.so..yah
and this is just to remind me of it.you see,i forgive and forget TOO easily.kan?

have you
ever had the thought of just breaking,smashing,or crashing something or someone with your bare hands?
in the middle of your chest,you just feeeeel like it's blistering.
yes,above the diaphragm,it's like "what happens when tornado meets a volcano" in there.
you see everyone's having a good day and you just want to turn their day upside down.
you feel warm and hot,but at the same time you're freezing.
you can feel your heart pounding faster and faster.
and in your head,ALOT of stupid annoying thoughts saying,"tulah kau.",and non-stop swearing etc.

you've done everything for it,and it faaaades away just like that and you don't even know whether it's your fault or not.
you prayed for it for quite a long period of time even when you think it's never gonna happen.
the only thing that kept you praying was to think that it's just Him teaching you to be patient, so it will happen,but just not yet.not now.
but no that faith also flies away day by day.

i don't know if it's true,and i won't like it to be,and it's just not supposed to be true.
it's just not right.

keep telling to myself that this is just another phase in life.and it's not the end of the world.
it's just the beginning.

but still,it's just not acceptable man. probably not yet.but definitely not now.


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